9 Self-Care Tips for Grief and Loss
Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash
“Grieving doesn't make you imperfect. It makes you human.” — Sarah Dessen
If you've lived, you've lost. And when we lose someone or something, we experience grief. Loss and grief are a part of our human existence. Still, their universality doesn't make them any easier to deal with.
Coping with a loss is hard. We never know when it will happen, and we can't prepare for how it will upset our world. Grief can affect our mental, emotional, and physiological well-being. And during this time of sadness, it's easy to neglect ourselves.
No one talks about how you should care for yourself during grief, but it is necessary. Practicing self-care while you are grieving will aid in healing and restoration.
In this blog, you'll find self-care ideas to support you as you go through the grieving process.
How grief affects you
The death of a loved one isn't the only reason we may experience loss. Many types of losses can cause grief, such as divorce, ending of a career, change in friendships, or loss of trust. But, no matter the cause, you're likely to go through at least one or more of the 5 stages of grief, as documented by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her renowned book, On Death and Dying.
During those stages, you may experience many complex and challenging emotions, including:
Shock
Anger
Disbelief
Sadness
Longing
Loneliness
Despair
Numbness
Because we often consider grief to be a taboo topic, many people avoid discussing it altogether. So, they end up silently carrying around their grief, not knowing how to process it. When overwhelmed with such intense feelings, many people forget or abandon caring for themselves.
Where self-care fits in
The world doesn’t stop when we’ve suffered a loss. We may still have all of our other responsibilities and commitments to manage. It's no wonder that we put self-care on the back burner during this time. But to avoid numbing yourself out or going through the motions to get through the day, take the time to care for yourself. It is essential for your well-being.
Grieving requires a kind of self-care that goes beyond a day at the spa. It is self-care that is ongoing, intentional, and allows you to feel what you are feeling without judgment. It requires you to lean into self-kindness, patience and being gentle with yourself when emotions rise to the surface.
When we show up for ourselves, in this way we can better maintain our health and well-being, manage stress better, and allow true healing to occur.
9 self-care for tips for grief and loss
Don't ignore your self-care after experiencing a loss. You are not being selfish. Rather, you are doing the necessary work of acceptance and healing. Give yourself permission to feel all your feelings. Remember how you grieve may look different from others. And that's okay.
Here are some other valuable tips to help you care for yourself during this difficult time.
1. Allow yourself time to grieve
Yes, you may still have to work or take care of others. But avoid using busyness as a distraction or as a way to sidestep dealing with your feelings. Instead, carve out time for yourself to grieve every day, even if it's just 30 minutes. Do whatever you need to do in that time — cry, reflect on the person or thing you lost, journal, meditate — whatever will help you release. Don't be afraid or embarrassed. Grieving is natural and necessary for the healing process.
2. Move your body
When we don't acknowledge or deal with emotions, they can get stuck in the body, negatively affecting our physical and mental well-being. For someone who is grieving a loss, moving the body can help release blocked emotions. Movement doesn't need to be rigorous or complex. Any type of activity will be helpful; try walking, yoga, stretching, or anything that allows you to relax, release, or will bring you joy.
3. Pay attention to your needs
Ask yourself, "What do I need today or at this moment?" Maybe you need to have a hug, hear a friendly voice, get some fresh air, or get extra help. Whatever it is, honour it. Don't be afraid to vocalize those needs and reach out to people who support you. You may not always have an answer to the question, and that's fine, too. But check in with yourself daily to see how your needs have changed.
4. Understand that grieving is not bound by time
Grieving is a moment-to-moment process, and it looks different for everyone. You may feel fine one minute, and then an hour later, you may not. Allow that to be okay. Free yourself from the expectation that you will get over your feelings within a fixed time. And don't judge yourself at that moment, even if it's weeks, months or years later. Be present in the moment and feel your feelings. There's a reason those emotions are coming up.
5. Write in a journal
Writing about your feelings or experience can provide a wonderful way to process grief. It can also be a way to honour or celebrate the person or thing you lost. Writing is cathartic. It can trigger powerful emotions which can ease suffering. Your journal is only for you. Be open and honest in your journal. Write what comes to mind without the fear of being judged.
6. Get support
Feeling isolated can sometimes go hand in hand with grieving. But you don't have to go it alone. You most likely have people around you who care about what you are going through and want to support you. Reach out to friends and family to help you through this time. Or, if your grief is too intense or debilitating, connect with a grief counsellor.
7. Practice self-compassion
We are never as compassionate to ourselves as we are to others. Be kind to yourself at all times, but especially when grieving. Think about what you would say to a close friend or family member suffering from grief and apply those words to yourself. Don't be critical of yourself as you go through the stages of mourning. Instead, accept the range of physical and emotional responses you are experiencing as normal. And begin the healing process by finding comfort in surrender and letting go instead of resisting change.
8. Take care of your physical needs
You may feel exhausted, out of sync, or depressed. Attending to your physical needs will help maintain your general well-being, decrease stress, and boost your mood. Try to sleep as well as you can, eat a healthy diet, and exercise or move your body.
9. Be mindful of what you're exposing yourself to
What are you watching on tv? What are you scrolling on social media? Who is in your circle of friends? In this time of sadness, pay attention to how you spend your time and who you spend it with. Decide if those activities negatively contribute to how you feel. You may need to alter them until you feel better. If needed, choose light-hearted programs, take a break from social media, or surround yourself with positive friends.
Final thoughts on grief and self-care
Grief is something we all will experience in our lives. Though no two people will go through it in the same way. As we mourn what we've lost and deal with complicated emotions, we must also remember to be good to ourselves. Self-care is an essential part of healing and provides a means by which we can reduce suffering.
If you need help to deal with issues or trauma in your life, please contact me for a free consultation. My one-on-one counselling program, Come Home to Yourself, helps identify, release, and heal the mental, emotional, and energetic heaviness that has been weighing you down.