We often hear a lot about the importance of having strong emotional boundaries. But do you really know what they are, when they've been crossed, or how weak boundaries can negatively impact your life?

Some of us are still in the dark about emotional boundaries and why they are essential. But that's okay. It's never too late to find your voice and establish your boundaries. And once you do, you'll feel stronger, more confident, and at peace with yourself and your decisions.

Boundaries don't have to be rigid. As you evolve, so can they. Boundaries can differ from relationship to relationship and situation to situation. What's important is that you have a clear idea of your boundaries and whether they are healthy for you.

What are emotional boundaries?

Emotional boundaries are best-understood as an invisible line that separates our emotions and responsibilities from others. Strong emotional boundaries help us determine our limits, define expectations, establish how much we give or take, and where and when we need to take a step back. Healthy emotional boundaries help protect what is most important to us:

our self-worth
our mental health
our values
our rights
our time

If you constantly feel taken advantage of, manipulated, or disregarded, weak emotional boundaries may be to blame. And they could be sabotaging your relationships and your well-being.

Recognizing weak emotional boundaries

It's easy to get taken advantage of when we're not clear on our boundaries. In our everyday life, we may encounter many different circumstances where our limits are tested or violated.

Consider these examples: Your mom wants you to drive her to the grocery store after you've had a tough day at work; Your friend wants to have an all-night gab session to dissect her recent breakup, AGAIN; Your sister wants you to babysit, but you've already made plans; Your husband wants to have a boy's night, but you're exhausted from taking care of the kids all day. For many of us, saying no in these types of situations may seem impossible because we feel compelled to put our own needs aside to accommodate others.

When our emotional boundaries are weak, we have a hard time knowing where our responsibilities to others end and the responsibility to ourselves begins. As a result, we end up taking on their problems or feeling responsible for their happiness. And suddenly, we find our needs take a back seat to everyone else's, which can greatly impact our overall well-being.

Weak boundaries leave you vulnerable to people who will take advantage of you because they know if they push or pressure hard enough, you're likely to crumble. When boundaries are firm, you control your feelings, not outside influences.

The cause of poor emotional boundaries and the impact on you

Weak or absent boundaries are often related to childhood experiences. We are taught to be people-pleasers early on, and we are conditioned to put our feelings aside. And because we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or disappoint them, we go out of our way to make them happy and comfortable, even at our own expense.

When our emotional boundaries are violated, we may experience feelings of:

Annoyance
Resentment
Anger
Passive-aggressiveness
Overwhelm
Burnout
Underappreciation

Weakened boundaries can lead to increased stress, depression, and anxiety. And ultimately, it can cause a deterioration in self-esteem and self-confidence.

Yes, it can be difficult to say no to others, to speak your mind, or stand up for yourself, but when you don't, you put your own mental and physical health at risk.

5 signs you need to strengthen your emotional boundaries

Often when our boundaries are crossed, we have a strong gut reaction. Our mouths might be saying yes, but our bodies and our minds are telling us no. It feels uncomfortable. But despite this visceral response, we may still feel accountable to that person and obliged to follow through.

Aside from these physical signs, there are other ways to determine if you have weak boundaries. Here are my top five signs that indicate your boundaries need to be strengthened. If any of these sound familiar, it's time to start paying attention to yourself and listen to what your body, mind, or soul needs.

Taking on too much

Are you the one that everyone turns to when something needs to be done? Do you always say "yes"? You're not doing yourself or them any favours. Saying yes to every request won't make people like you more, and you'll likely become burnt-out and resentful in the process. While you feel compelled to please or help everyone, you're disregarding your own needs and teaching others not to be accountable.

2. Fixing

When friends or loved ones come to you with their issues, do you automatically go into problem-solving mode? Do you offer advice whether or not you've been asked for it? You may firmly believe that you're the only one that can find a solution to your partner's struggles or your friend's heartache. But what lies beneath your need to fix is an unrealistic idea that you are responsible for other people's happiness. So while it may seem like you're helping, you're actually creating false expectations and unhealthy boundaries. Recognize that you can't resolve everyone's problems, nor should you be expected to.

3. Emotional dumping

We all have a lot going on in our lives, and it's normal and important to share our feelings with friends or loved ones. But we all know someone who dumps all of their emotional baggage at your door. You know the ones, they zap your energy and your time and keep coming back for more. And somehow, you are always there to hear them out. When we lack emotional boundaries, it may seem like we're being a good friend by listening to them, but they aren't being a good friend to you. They show a lack of disrespect for your time and your boundaries.

4. Codependency

Do you have a relationship that eclipses everything else in your life? Do you feel incomplete without this person or entirely dependent on this person for your happiness? Maybe you think that taking care of this person and ensuring that they are happy is your responsibility. Your emotional neediness feeds their dependence on you and vice versa. This is not the foundation for a healthy relationship, as relying on one person to fulfill all of our needs is beneficial to no one.

5. Taking on other people's emotions.

When loved ones share their woes, do you notice yourself feeling those same emotions, too? While it is wonderful to have empathy for others, it can be overwhelming to carry their burden. Taking on the feelings, especially for empaths, of others can be exhausting and wreak havoc on your mental health.

At the heart of setting boundaries is the need for self-care. We have to learn to care for ourselves as much as we care for others.

Give and take is essential to any relationship. But if only one person is doing all of the giving, it is anything but healthy. Having a good understanding of your boundaries and exercising them allows you to clearly show others how you want and need to be treated and respected.

If you need more help with understanding and setting boundaries, I'm here to help. Please feel free to reach out for a free consultation.

5 Signs You Need to Strengthen Your Emotional Boundaries