Understanding Change
Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash
Change. It's a small word with great impact. You probably already know a quote or two about embracing the inevitability of change. But when faced with significant transitions in life, those passages may not bring you the comfort you need.
Our hesitancy to accept change, even positive change, is normal. It's part of our human nature to interpret change as a threat, so our bodies try to avoid it at all costs. There's no doubt change can take us out of our comfort zone, leaving us feeling adrift, afraid, and uncertain. Most of us dread even the mere thought of disrupting our status quo, and we may wonder how we will get by.
But whether we want things to change or not, they eventually will. We can't run from change, nor should we, because change is essential to life. As famed writer, Leo Tolstoy once said, "True life is lived when tiny changes occur." Though navigating through change can be challenging, it also provides the opportunity for us to grow and evolve. Without change, we'd be stuck in the same place, doing the same things over and over again.
It's true that some cope better with change than others, but even those who have learned to roll with the punches can find transitions difficult at times. If you're struggling with change in your life, know that you have plenty of company. What we all want to know is how to better cope with change. But the first step to embracing it is understanding it.
3 types of changes
Over time, we will experience a multitude of events that will change our lives. Some transitions will be gradual and allow us time to plan, while others will be sudden and require us to act quickly. In my experience, changes can be categorized into three main types: unexpected change, anticipated change, and conscious change.
Unexpected change
Transitions such as the death of a loved one, divorce, illness, and serious accidents are just some examples of unexpected life changes that can throw us for a loop. These are the types of changes that we most dread. We can't see them coming, and we're often not ready for these types of events. In fact, they are most often entirely off of our radar, and there is little we can do to prepare for them.
2. Anticipated change
Maybe you finally got that promotion you wanted, or you're about to get married; perhaps you're headed to university or getting ready for retirement. These types of changes are anticipated changes. You know they are coming, and you may be looking forward to them. But you may also feel nervous or hesitant about them. And even though the change is expected, it isn't necessarily always wanted. These events differ from unanticipated changes because you, at least, have an opportunity to plan ahead for this new transition in your life.
3. Conscious change
Have you ever just wanted to make a change because you were tired of the way things were, or you wanted to better something about your life or yourself? A conscious change allows you to become both the instigator and the implementor, as you control when, how, and what you will change. This type of transition is often related to self-discovery. It may also be precipitated by an unexpected or anticipated change in your life that causes you to reevaluate your circumstances or put things into perspective.
Photo by allison christine on Unsplash
The complexity of change
Our lives are constantly changing. But when we find ourselves in a comfortable place, we bristle at the thought of anything disturbing our peace. Similarly, if we're in the midst of difficult times, we tend to believe that life will always be the same, that there will never be any relief. But nothing can ever stay the same. The inherent fluidity of life means that we will encounter changes that will upset our equilibrium, whatever it may be.
We give change attributes like good or bad when in truth, it is neither. Transitions are just transitions, and they are as difficult or as painful as we allow them to be. It's up to us to navigate these changes and determine their impact on our lives. But because we're hard-wired to resist change, it is often viewed negatively.
When we view transitions as something good happening in our lives, it may be easier to welcome the change. But when change is perceived as unfavorable, we usually try to fight against it. We may become defensive or angry. And we may wonder, "Why is this happening?", "Why now?", "Why me?" or even, "Why didn't I see this coming?" When we fight against change, we make it harder on ourselves to move through it; we get stuck in the pain by looking for answers to the "Whys."
Regardless of the change you may be experiencing, you may have feelings of frustration, confusion, and fear. Alternatively, you may also feel excited, exhilarated, or relieved.
Change and your health
How we deal with change also impacts our health. As we try to manoeuver through different transitions, we may experience increased stress and anxiety, even if those changes are perceived as positive.
If feelings of anxiety and stress are left unchecked for prolonged periods, they can lead to serious mental and physical illness. The Holmes- Rahe Stress Inventory is a well-known scale used to evaluate how recent life changes affect your stress level and health. The test may be a good place to start if you're feeling overwhelmed and think you may be at risk of developing stress-related health problems.
Other emotions you may feel during times of transition include:
moodiness
anger
sadness
shock
pessimism
guilt
depression
anxiousness
physical fatigue
emotional fatigue
Coming to terms with change
Despite our knee-jerk reaction to change, it undoubtedly provides an opportunity for personal growth, helps build resilience and confidence, and brings greater meaning to our lives. It can open your mind to new ideas and experiences and help you adapt to new things. Though change may be hard to digest initially, the more we learn to appreciate its significance in our lives, the better we can come to terms with it.
If you find that you're struggling with managing change in your life or that coping with change is insurmountable, don't be afraid to seek the help of a health care professional.
Photo by Maik Jonietz on Unsplash
My practice centers around helping women overcome stress and trauma in their lives. If you'd like support in these areas, I'd love to hear from you. Please feel free to contact me for a consultation.