How to Respond to Negative Thinking: What You Tell Yourself Matters
Is negative thinking sabotaging your life? The mind is a powerful thing, and what we think can impact our lives in many different ways. That's why what we tell ourselves matters. When we have ongoing negative thoughts about ourselves or our world, it can wreak havoc on our emotional, mental, and even physical well-being. And it can stop us from enjoying life.
Negative thinking is disruptive and damaging. And the person it hurts the most is you. Repetitious negative thought patterns can lead to a pessimistic outlook that affects how you navigate through life, your relationships, your work, and your family.
So, how can you find relief from your own negative thoughts?
Breaking the spell of negative thinking is possible, but it requires you to look inward and address your feelings head-on. Because we are hardest on ourselves and tend to be critical and judgemental, turning inwards can be difficult in the beginning. But once you learn how to respond to negative thinking, you will feel more empowered and positive.
If you find that you're constantly critiquing yourself and replaying the same negative messages, it's time to break the cycle. Read on to discover ways that can help you better respond to negatitive thinking and improve your quality of life.
Understanding negative thinking
Negative thought patterns or cognitive distortions are patterns of thinking that are false or inaccurate. They cause you to view yourself and the world around you with a pessimistic outlook.
Having negative thoughts from time to time is normal, especially when faced with new or difficult situations. The problem begins when they become a persistent, dominant voice in your head, interfering with the way you live your life and your overall well-being.
These intrusive thoughts can stop you from pursuing, achieving, and even excelling at your goals. Negative thoughts hold us back from experiencing life and being present in the moment.
But where do they come from?
Negative thoughts stem from a few main causes, including anxiety about your present circumstances, fear of the future or the unknown, or shame or guilt about past events or failures.
Try as we might, we can't ignore or avoid negative thoughts because they will continue to resurface, time and time again. Until you truly deal with them and the feelings they evoke, relief will be elusive.
How do negative thoughts affect you?
Our mind is constantly at work, producing thousands of thoughts a day. We align ourselves with our thoughts and identify with them. We believe what our thoughts tell us. And in typical human fashion, we focus on the negative ones. But attaching ourselves to our thoughts is a problem because a thought is just a thought. They are just random ideas that come and go. Thoughts are often meaningless and not based on facts, we are the ones that place meaning to a thought where there is none.
If we emphasize these recurring negative thoughts about ourselves and our abilities, they become a part of our narrative. And because the mind-body connection is strong, our inner dialogue can profoundly affect our well-being. If we continue to dwell on these negative thoughts or narratives, we'll soon find ourselves in a downward spiral of despair. Negative thinking can disrupt your life and cause the following effects:
Stress
Worry
Depression
Anxiety
Sadness
Physical ailments
So what can you do?
Negative thinking is a part of our human nature. So, what we need to know is not how to get rid of it but rather how can we better respond to it.
How to respond to negative thinking
To get from under the grip of negative thinking, we have to be proactive in our response to it. Think about how people traditionally deal with negative thoughts. They either change their behaviour, ignore it, avoid it, or do it. None of these techniques end up working in the long run.
But what if we flipped that around and chose to:
Befriend it
Not see it as our enemy
Open ourselves to the possibility that it may lead to something deeper
Instead of focusing on the thought itself, shift to focus on what that negative thought is trying to tell us.
Next time you're dealing with repetitive negative thoughts, ask yourself these series of questions:
Is it true?
Is it mine or from someone else?
What belief is this negative story attached to?
How long have I had this belief? Does it feel old or new?
Am I ready to heal this negative inner story and the belief attached to it?
What is the opposite of this negative inner story (the positive?)
When you start to dig deep, you'll find that much of our negative thinking isn't based on the truth, nor is it our own.
To help break the habit of believing negative thoughts try these seven proactive tips.
7 tips on how to respond proactively to negative thinking
Bring awareness to your thoughts. We will have many different thoughts throughout the day. But you need to pay close attention to the negative ones. Not to dwell on them but to bring awareness to the shift in how you feel? For example, you'll want to note when your mood changes or when your energy levels switch from high to low. Pay close attention to what these shifts might be trying to tell you. Stop. Tune in. And try to find out what your emotions are trying to reveal.
Pay attention to your feelings. Feelings can sometimes be overwhelming, and we often try to avoid them. But emotions are the key to what is happening within us on a deeper level. Be present in the moment. By paying attention to your thoughts, you can train yourself to catch the negative ones.
Check your inner dialogue. At the point where negative thoughts creep in, ask yourself, "What am I saying to myself right now?" and more pointedly, "What does it mean?" Write down everything that comes to mind and make a list of these recurring negative thoughts.
Avoid criticizing or judging your thoughts. Remember, there's no right or wrong. Rather be detailed and honest. At this stage, your job is to be inquisitive and find out as much as possible about your negative inner story and its origins.
Respond in a loving and compassionate way. Replace negative inner stories with positive ones. For every negative thought or critique, create statements of compassion. Imagine what a caring friend would say to you or what you would say to a friend. Write them down.
Reinforce statements of compassion – When negative thoughts come into your head, don't ignore them—challenge them. Talk back to them with compassionate responses. Back up those responses with evidence from your everyday life that proves those negative thoughts to be false. Make it a habit to practice self-compassion daily. When you do, it will become easier.
Seek help. Sometimes negative thinking is too overwhelming to tackle alone. Don't be afraid to reach out to an expert when you need help.
Negative thinking is part of who we are, it's important to remember that thoughts don't define you. They are just random ideas. You are in control of what you think, and you have the power to redefine your story. Remember to focus on your strengths and counteract negative thoughts with compassionate responses.
If you need help dealing with negative thinking, please feel free to contact me for a free consultation. My one-on-one counselling program, Come Home to Yourself, is designed to help identify, release, and heal the mental, emotional, and energetic baggage that has been weighing you down.