How Caring What Other People Think Impacts Your Self-Worth
Ask yourself these questions. Have I ever changed what I wanted to do based on what I thought others would think of me? Are the opinions of others more important to me than the opinion I have of myself? If you answered yes to either of these, be assured you're not alone.
Caring about what people think of you is normal. All our lives, we're conditioned to seek approval and acceptance from others. But when you place people's opinions of you above your own, you're doing yourself a disservice. And that disservice can harm your self-esteem and self-worth.
Opinions from people, good or bad, have the power to change the way you feel about yourself, what you do, and how you act. When we let others determine our worth, it devalues what we think of ourselves, leaving us at the mercy of their expectations. No longer are we compelled by our own thoughts or beliefs, but by theirs.
In this post, we'll discuss how caring what others think of you can impact your self-esteem and self-worth and share ways to overcome those feelings.
Why are self-esteem and self-worth important?
While self-esteem and self-worth are used interchangeably, they are not the same. Rather, you can look at these concepts as two sides of a coin. Your self-esteem is determined by how confident and satisfied you are with yourself and your abilities. Simply put, how much you like yourself. While self-worth is the value, you place on your life. It's the implicit belief that your life has value and meaning, and you are worthy of love.
These concepts are integral to how we perceive ourselves and our place in the world. When our self-esteem is intact, it gives us the confidence to try new things. It allows us to believe in ourselves even when faced with challenges and accept ourselves, flaws and all. When our self-worth is intact, we know that we are enough, exactly the way we are. A healthy feeling of self-worth encourages greater inner-connectedness and improves your quality of life.
While these concepts are deeply personal, they can be greatly influenced by the opinions, whether positive or negative, of those around us. And that's where the trouble begins.
Self-worth and caring what other people think
We can't deny that acceptance from family, friends, lovers, peers or co-workers feels good. But it's important not to wrap your self-esteem and self-worth around what others think about you. When we do, we allow ourselves to be controlled by them and their perceptions of us. To gain acceptance, we may find ourselves doing or saying things that counter our beliefs or how we feel.
Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu is credited with the saying, "Care what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner." Within the confines of that prison, it's easy to lose yourself as you start to distrust your own judgment, deny your truth, and place your needs below everyone else's. Living life for others' approval is no way to live life at all, as Lao Tzu tells us.
Freeing yourself from these bonds is revolutionary and allows you to live a life that is authentically your own.
In this way, you give yourself permission to enjoy praise and affirmation without depending on it or seeking it continuously. And similarly, you're free to receive criticism and negative feedback without internalizing it or feeling the need to change yourself.
7 Ways to stop caring what others think
If you've fallen into the trap of caring too much about what others think of you, you're probably wondering how you can turn things around.
It's never too late. Follow the steps below to begin the process. While you may always care what others think, to some extent, their opinions won't hold the same power over you that they once did.
Know yourself and your core values. One reason you may be swayed by others is that you don't really know yourself. But knowing yourself is key to establishing strong self-esteem and self-worth. Dig deep to find out what you like, what you want, what's important to you and what values and abilities you possess.
Prioritize you. Approach yourself differently, be purposeful about taking care of yourself and your needs first. Understand that what you think of yourself matters most. When you know your own desires, you won't be easily influenced by the intentions of others.
Stop avoiding disapproval. We spend our lives trying to avoid criticism and rejection. But the old saying remains true, "You can't please all the people all the time." So, stop letting it consume you. Allow yourself to experience disapproval. Shift your attention from what was said to how it makes you feel. Come to terms with that. Become okay with being disapproved of. The more you practice this, the more you will begin to trust that you can handle and work through those emotions.
Validate yourself. Other people's opinions are just that. Theirs. Only you know what you're capable of, what you have been through in life and what it took for you to be still standing. Own that. Claim it. You earned it. No words or opinions of another can take that away from you.
Recognize that old wounds play a part in your reaction. If you are hurt by what someone says or how you believe they perceive you, there's a good chance there's a pre-existing issue. Unfortunately, many of us continue to attract people into our experience who will trigger a particular wound we carry. In response, we place an uneven emphasis on how that person views us. Bring awareness to your emotions and begin to heal that part of yourself as a pathway to self-love.
Know who you can trust. Learning to value our own opinion above others is critical. But it doesn't negate the fact that we all need confidants and people that we can trust to turn to for friendship and advice. Choose those select few wisely and ensure they have your best interest at heart.
Seek help. Changing your perception of yourself is hard work. And it can be challenging to go it alone. Reach out to professionals who have the experience and knowledge to guide you through this journey.
If you’re ready to explore these feelings further, I can provide you with support and counsel on the path to acceptance and connection. My one-on-one counselling program, Come Home to Yourself is designed to help identify, release, and heal the mental, emotional, and energetic baggage that has been weighing you down.
Remember, it's natural to care what others think but keep it in perspective. Don't let it diminish your self-worth or what you believe about yourself. At the end of the day, you have to know that you are more than what others think of you. And more importantly, this is your life to live. So, do what makes you happy.